I have been thinking a lot about fear lately…
I was listening to The Good Life podcast featuring Elizabeth Gilbert recently and her perspective on fear has left me thinking for days. She so eloquently spoke about her relationship with fear. How she walks next to her fear hand in hand. Instead of trying to “attack” or “conquer” her fear, instead she chooses to honour it. She recognizes it for the magnificent power it is. Acknowledge how much she owes to her fear.
I have had a relationship with fear. That I could resonate with, but my relationship elicited different emotions. I have always associated fear with words like: Control. Resentment. Blame. But over the last few days, as I have listened to that part of the interview a few more times, something different has opened up for me.
As I really started to think about it, fear had saved me more times than I had realized. It got me some very dark times in the early days after Emma died. [I knew showing up before it was my time was not something that Emma would take well]. But fear has also kept me from giving up on myself more than once when times have gotten really tough.
What is the magic to befriending your fear? I recently finished Susan David’s amazing book Emotional Agility. In it she happens to talk about fear walking, a concept I am coming to love, which conveniently is also a means to start to have a healthier relationship with fear. In her books she notes that showing up, and simply acknowledging fear, is the first step in starting to change that relationship. This allows you to step out from the feelings you are experiencing, creating distance not only the physical effects but also the terrible things your fear can make up about you when left unchecked. From there you can start to hone in on your why - the reasons that the decision matters to you - more objectively. This will finally lead you to focus on the process to get there.
While I might not go so far as to call it a friendship just yet - I think I might be ready to throw a little less shade a an ounce more gratitude towards fear in the future.
