the art of knowing when to leave
It has been one year since I took a leave from the Government of Canada. Last week, during an interview, I was asked about my decision to go.
"What made you finally leave?”
It's a question that I've been asked a lot over the last year.
For me, the answer is easy. The impetus, the final straw if you will, was the death of our good friend Susan. But there were so many more moments, over years, that led that point.
Burnout. High levels of work-related anxiety and stress. Never feeling like I could adequately do my job with the time or resources available to me. Moving up a ladder that did not align with my values. Years of ignoring my gut.
Last month I read Emily P. Freeman's book How to Walk Into A Room. It is a brilliant read that I highly recommend. Freeman talks about the rooms we are in, and more importantly those we might need to leave. Throughout the book, she delineates a process by which the reader can contemplate whether the room they are in is still for them. She raises questions that allow you to think through what is important to you and really consider next steps.
There were four times in sixteen years that I seriously contemplated a departure from the public service. Four times that I was so unhappy with my career that I was ready to throw in the towel. Since leaving, I have really taken the time to think about each one of these experiences, as well as the times that I have actually left a job (which is only 4) if anyone is counting). I have put it in the context of Freeman's book, asking myself some of her very poignant questions:
What corners, parts, or people in the room was I avoiding?
What was beautiful about the room?
Could I be myself there? To what extent?
Was the room still for me? Was I still for the room?
Was my time in the room coming to a close anticipated? Was the decision made by choice or by force?
Going through this exercise years later has allowed me to rewrite the narrative, and address some limiting beliefs that I have held about myself, which has been a helpful exercise. Along with Freeman's work, I have been layering on the grief to growth continuum that I have developed. It has brought me a lot of peace and acceptance in the decisions that I have made.
I can't help but think though how useful it would have been to have this kind of insight at the time.
The more I speak to others who are contemplating career transitions, the more I realize this is a universal struggle. Many of us find ourselves in rooms that once fit perfectly but now feel constraining. We stay too long because we lack the framework to recognize when it's time to move on, or the courage to take that first step toward the door. I've been collecting these stories and frameworks, and I'm exploring ways to share these insights more broadly with others standing at similar crossroads in their professional lives.
What I've discovered through my own journey is that leaving isn't just about escape, it's about growth. Some of the hardest decisions I have had to make in my life, have brought me the greatest professional and/or personal development.
Each time I contemplated leaving the public service, I was actually hearing a call toward something else, not just away from discomfort. The process of examining our relationship to our work environments isn't just valuable when we're unhappy, it's a practice that can guide us toward more fulfilling paths at every stage of our careers.
Finding Your Own Door
As I look back on this year of transition, I realize that the questions we ask ourselves matter deeply. The frameworks we use to understand our experiences shape not just how we perceive our past, but how we approach our future.
If you're standing in a room that no longer feels right — whether that's a job, a relationship, or any situation that once served you — I encourage you to pause and ask yourself some of Freeman's questions. Take time to reflect (bonus points if you journal) about your relationship with the space you're in.
Make it part of a daily practice. What parts of yourself are still serving you? What parts can you leave at the door?
